"you seem to have lost your everyday spark"

thats what my science teacher said to me today. jacqui. what a women. she is probably my favorite teacher. i hate science but i don't mind her class its always a good time.  when she said this to me today i broke down.  so i wasn't the only one noticing i wasn't myself lately?  i just spent a fantastic week in texas with audrey. shopping, eating, relaxing.  i had new clothes a new haircut, but not a new outlook on my senior year.  whats missing? what is missing from me that other people can tell? i know what it is.  well actually i don't it could be a number of things that are going on in my life.  school, grades, applications, my dad's heart stuff, missing america, volleyball.  is it bad that i dread getting up for school every morning? is it bad that it feels like a chore?  i don't enjoy it one bit.  i feel like everyday is the same humdrum.  i'm lucky to have great friends and a great family. but lately i just feel apathetic towards everything.  i just want june 4 to come so i can be officially done with high school FOREVER.  and on top of everything. im sick once again. how magnifiant.  and i have isst's next week in london. i don't want to go i don't want to miss school and i want to go to a party (how selfish am i) but really i wouldn't have a good time it would just be me sitting there listening to music and playing.  the only reason i would go is because i know they can't win without me (cocky i know) but its true.  they couldn't pull it off.  i don't know i just feel like everything is going down the toilet for me lately. and i want to be back to my old self.  i don't want to cry, i don't want to worry, and i don't want to be tired or sick. i hope i can find my spark. and be the person that i want to be and who i used to be.